Yes, I am an addict

The first step of rehabilitation is to admit that you have a problem

With the crazy covid situation, I have been working from home for 2 months. It is tedious, working day & night without realizing the time makes me think about working a lot. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a workaholic. But no one teaches me how to work hard. You might say what do you need to know about working hard? It's just work. Yet when I ask if I know more about working hard now than when I just started working, the answer is definitely yes.

And recently I realized one important thing about working too hard: it is definitely bad for my life.

Don't get me wrong, if you want to do great things, you will have to work hard. And it is definitely important early in one's career. For anyone just starting out your career, the best thing you can do is working really hard. Take on more work, work on the weekends, get on more responsibility. There’s an old quote that goes, “most of success is just showing up“, which is true. If you actively seek out responsibility, you’ll stand out and it will often be given to you. And gradually, you will become the default “go-to” person when people weren’t sure who to go to.

BUT, the caveat

There is a dark side to working too hard. Burning out is one, I have heard so many stories of burnout and regret, which I very much sympathize with. But one thing that stands out is that by working hard I am changing my mindset to a worse state.

Now, when I’m not working hard, alarm bells go off. Working non-stop cultivates a sense of “discomfort” when I am not working. I came to recognize that my relationship with hard work was not healthy and that this deep seated desire to do more work is not a positive thing. To the point that I am not enjoying myself outside of work (going on trips, watching movies, play games, etc...).

I cannot feel good about myself if I cannot sense that I'm making progress. This type of mental trick is addictive, and it alters my perception of normal, developing a need to work that is disconnected from reality. This feeling has followed me so long that until now, with the covid situation I come to face it directly, and to be honest, I find it far more difficult to shake than to acquire

The first step of rehabilitation is to admit that you have a problem. Now I know, and I need to learn how to balance my life better. So yes, my name is Lam, and I am an addict